Why I'm Not Trying To Be A Better Mother Next Year

The New Year isn’t new to me, at all! I went through those years when I vowed to be a better mother in the following year.

I beat myself up over it all. Maybe I didn’t make enough cookies, failed to show up to enough school events, didn’t even start a scrap book, much less complete enough pages. The kids didn’t get to bed on time, often enough. I didn’t have enough money. I didn’t buy them, enough. I didn’t hug them, enough. I said hold on too much, and didn’t stop what I was doing, enough. I didn’t say, sorry, enough. Let’s not even get started on what kind of friend or wife I thought I was. In short, I wasn’t enough! The funny thing is, I never thought of it that way. I didn’t consciously say, “I’m not enough.” Regardless, that’s exactly what I was telling myself, every year I vowed to be a better mother. And, what was I telling my kids? That I wasn’t doing the best I could? That I wasn’t enough? That they should feel entitled to more? ENOUGH with that! This year, none of the kids got the proof-I’m-a-good-mom picture with Santa. You know what? So what! This coming year, I’m vowing to remember, I’m enough. I know that whatever I do in the day, on most days, was the best I could do. That is more than enough! If there were some way for me to be a better mother, I’m not going to get there by ridiculing myself all the time. Next year, I’m going to teach the kids the one thing I have never focused on teaching them; they are lucky to have me. My actions, my secret thoughts of unworthiness, and self-doubt, were the vibes my kids picked up on. It was the tone they heard and the feeling they internalized. Inevitably, I will be a better mother next year, because I will not be apologizing for being human. We’re moms. We make mistakes. Sometimes, we even make the same mistakes, repeatedly. We also love unconditionally and do the best we can. Every. Day.