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 The Good Old Days

My husband and I had a lot of fun in our early years together.  We had spontaneous dates all the time, stayed up late talking and cuddling, and even traveled.  We met at work.  I was his boss.  It was forbidden love. We just really enjoyed being together, but we also loved having time with our friends.  I hung out with my girls while he enjoyed a guy’s night out.  We were like most happy couples, making a life together. We almost always had time for each other.  On the occasions when we didn’t, we made time.  That was almost twenty years ago!

The Battle of the Spouses

My husband works outside of the home and I work at home.  I take care of five kids, and attend to my two part-time jobs. (well, they kind of are!)  They equate to that between therapies, paperwork, and endless service providers for my special needs children, plus the daily commitment of soccer for my older kids.  I also have what equates to a full-time job.  I do this.  I write. Trust me, it’s not as easy as it looks.  In fact, let’s just say that some days, if I didn’t love it so much, it would be the first thing to get crossed of my to-do list.  But, I do love it! So, I do all of this, often by myself.  Why? Because my husband works outside of the home.  You see where I’m going with this?  Yea.  So we don’t always see eye-to-eye about who works harder.  Don’t even get me started on the household chores and laundry.  Let’s just say, that’s me, too! The truth is, it shouldn’t be some kind of competition.  We’re in this together. Or, are we not?  He’s all kinds of wrong.  He’s also all kinds of sweet, when he chooses. Our days are probably not unlike those of many other couples, I suppose.

A typical day in our lives consist of me waking up with him in the morning, sending him off to work, and then I immediately get started on my own, for about an hour.  Then I wake up the kids, get them off to school, grab another cup of coffee and clean until about 10:00.  While I’m cleaning, I’m always multitasking some other thing.  I get back to my work because by this time I have a whole new assortment of unread emails.  I try to have lunch ready for the triplets.  They are home by 11:30.  I give them lunch and their therapists are here by 11:45.  I have another two hours to work, but I’m multitasking my involvement in their therapies at the same time.  When the therapists leave, I have about a half hour before I have to pick up Pedro from school.  I have to take the triplets with me.  Getting them in and out of the van can take forever! When we get home I usually work for about another hour because the day is almost over and I have no idea how that happened.  Then I start cooking dinner, break up fights between the kids, and race through the house picking up the mess that I know wasn’t there an hour ago.  Sometimes dinner is finished by the time my husband gets home.  Sometimes, it’s not.  I do the best I can.  Soccer practice.  Soccer practice. More soccer practice.  Antonio’s soccer practice ends at 9:00 p.m.  My days are long.  I try to make sure the older kids get to sleep at a decent hour, then I get back to work.  So, I often don’t go to sleep until 12:00 or 1:00.  That’s my typical day.

My husband works a physically and mentally demanding job.  He might get home at 4:00 p.m. or he might not get home until 7:00 p.m.  There’s no way of knowing ahead of time.  Only the day will tell.  What is certain, is that the later he comes home, the hungrier he is when he arrives.  He greets the kids, talks to them about their day, and gives a little extra to attention to Kaitlyn because she’s the only girl.  (Just being honest!) He eats and watches TV for a little while, takes a shower, talks to me for a little while (usually about things I’ll be adding on to my to-d0 list) and then he goes to sleep.

It was easy when we just had to find time for each other.  Five kids later, it’s getting hard to find time for myself, much less everyone else.

Finding Our Way Back Home

What couples sometimes forget is that you can’t get back to the way things were.  Life changes and we adapt.  That doesn’t mean we can’t find our way back home. However cliche, it’s so true when they say, home is where the heart is.  Sometimes I make a real effort to treat him the way I know I used to, when it was just the two of us.  It always makes an immediate difference.  The more I try, the more he tries.  If I shower him with attention, he usually ends up picking up some of the slack. Too often, I forget this and go back to the routine of just making it through each day.  We’ve been raising kids for fifteen years already and the youngest ones are only four-years-old.  We have a long road ahead of us.  At some point though, it’s just going to be us.  Then, what?  So, I’ve made an important decision.  In 2015, we’re finding our way home, and I’m going to take the lead.  When the spark is there, it doesn’t take much to re-ignite the fire.  I came up with a 10 Day Challenge.  I’d love it if you took the challenge, too!

10 Days of Romance Challenge for Couples

 

DAY 1:  Leave a love note! (or a few)  Something a little suggestive is nice, too!

 

DAY 2:  Have a before dinner snack ready! 

 

DAY 3:  Do one of your mate’s “chores”

DAY 4:  Plan & Prepare a Game Night

DAY 5:  Shower Him /her with Besos  Kissing is such an important part of intimacy and keeping those flames burning.  Take the opportunity to share a kiss each time you cross paths on this day.  You’re half way through the challenge!

 

DAY 6:  Pair Your Compliments All Day   Not only will today make your partner feel extra special, it will remind you the point of this challenge; rekindling those flames as a couple! Spend the day being generous with the compliments.  Every time you give one, make sure it is paired with a second.  Maybe you could say, “You look great! I really like your hair today.”  See? Two compliments together.

DAY 7:  Give a foot or back massage

DAY 8:  Unplug for the evening! On this day, turn it all off at 5:00 p.m. or as soon as you get home! No Facebook.  No texts.  No internet.  No phone calls.  In fact, turn off the ringers on your phones.  If your spouse asks why, tell him/her that you don’t want to be distracted from just hanging out together tonight.

DAY 9:  Give a thoughtful present. Something small is fine! Remember, it’s the thought that counts.  Just be sure it’s romantic!

DAY 10:  Have a K-Y® DATE NIGHT at home.

Whenever someone mentions my five kids, I can’t help but to ask how that happened. Inevitably, I get that “you know exactly how it happened” look! For nine days you’ve been building up to this date night.  No doubt, there is romance in the air! Now, you know exactly how you got here!  It wasn’t even work.  It was just consciousness.  That’s what it takes to bring back the romance, intimacy, and pleasure of each other’s company.

 

 Are you up for the challenge?

I don’t expect you to print this whole post, so I made sure you can Download the Challenge, NOW! For more great ways to improve your relationship in the New Year, visit K-Y.com. Check out the Date Night pack at Walmart.com for discreet purchasing.

There is a special Date Night deal that is coming soon! K-Y Date Night: $50 value 1 free meal for two people from PEACHDISH.com delivered to your door for an intimate night of cooking together, a $5 VUDU movie credit for you to stream right at home and the pleasure of K-Y® YOURS+MINE Couples Lubricants. Perfect for a date night in!

I’ve shared my New Years Resolutions with you; I’d love to hear about yours! Leave a comment sharing something you are working to improve with your partner this year.

By:  Alicia Gonzalez